* As long as the world turns, users will still have problems
* 无论世界怎样变化,用户总会有问题

* Substance abusers and computer operators are the only folks called users. This isn’t by chance
* 只有酒鬼和电脑操作员会被称作用户,这并不是偶然的

* When in doubt. Reboot
* 当你拿不准时,重启

* Sooner or later you will meet a person who types out the words “backslash” or forgets to plug in the power cord. If you haven’t yet, just wait, you will
* 迟早有一天你会遇到一个忘了插电源的人。如果你还没有,等着吧,你会遇到的

* Fear the phone. No one just calls tech support to wish you good morning
* 你会害怕来电话,没有人会通过技术支持电话向你道早安

* No user will tell you the whole truth at the beginning of a call
* 在通话的一开始没有用户会告诉你所有的事情

* “I didn’t do anything” or “It just happened” Are the users mantra
* “我没有做任何事”和“突然间就变成这样了”是用户的咒语

* As a support tech, it is your job to break down resistance and get the truth
* 作为一个技术支持人员,你需要突破阻力以获得事实

* This is so you can rub the lie in their face, fixing the issue is just a perk
* 你要做的事是识破用户的谎言,解决问题不过是一件附带的事

* Some people will never learn
* 有些人永远都不会去学习

* This means you will always have a job
* 这意味着你永远都会有工作

* Maintain a calm voice, even if you’re screaming on the inside
* 要一直保持平静的语气,哪怕你其实想大吼一声

* The hold button is your friend
* 电话的挂机键是你的朋友

* Whatever you do, don’t panic
* 无论你在做什么,都不要恐慌
* 永远都应该像这样回答用户的问题:“相信我,我知道我在做什么”哪怕这是个赤裸裸的谎言

* Users can smell fear. Once you’ve lost control, all is lost
* 用户能察觉到恐惧。一旦你失去了控制,所有的事就都结束了

* A user who is not listening to you anymore, but rather is trying “their own thing” is not worth your time. Simulate a telephone disconnect and hang up. Trust me, you’re better off.
* 如果一个用户不再听你的话,并去做“他们自己的事”,你不需要再浪费时间,假装电话断线并挂掉电话。相信我,你会成功脱身

* Sometimes fixing a computer is easier than figuring out why it was broken
* 有时候修理一台电脑要比指出出错的原因要简单的多

* Users always want a reason things are fixed. If you’re not sure just lie. They won’t know anyway. “A stray electron passed through the processor and caused…”
* 用户总想知道问题被解决的原因,如果你并不太清楚请尽管撒谎,他们永远都不会知道的。“一个偏离的电子进入了处理器然后问题就产生了……”

* The answer to all users questions should be “Trust me, I know what I’m doing” even if this is a bald-faced lie
* 如有可能尽量向年龄最小的人询问

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